Sunday, April 15, 2012

Life, Dreams, Memories

Life is about seeing dreams into reality, making memories with friends and those you love. If you are not accomplishing these two simple things, you are slowly dying from the inside out.  In some ways, feel as if I have been slowly dying of late, dreams being worked on destroyed, gone with the seven winds, life's cold realities, distances created for reasons out of my control see making memories with good friends and those I love all but impossible in the here and now.

Sitting here looking out my window, Main Street silent; even almost desolate as the sun slowly settles into the west a hint of rain tinging the air, two nuthatches perched on the overhead wire singing as if they are both without a worry in the world.  Wish they would go and find some place else too perch.  I feel a need for silence, sense that I want to be still for awhile in the hopes of hearing my own inner voice say something that I suspect I need to hear.  

I seem to care less these days about the greater concerns of the world that used too see me off tilting at windmills, those greater wrongs needing righted not seeming so much my business any it that I am growing selfish, no longer willing to be so selfless in my pursuits? Perhaps growing older, or old does that to a soul.  More than ever before, sense a shortness of time, or perhaps as if my own time is far too fast running through the hour glass. 

If I am honest, yearn for a simpler life...a small cottage nestled into the woods, maybe a meadow in which to go lounge and read a book, taking joy on those days I ride around on a small old John Deere as the smell of fresh mowed grass pleases the senses, reveling in a gulp of ice water taken from an old mason jar I keep in the fridge.   Work does not really interest me...well, not the 9-5 variety any way.  Would rather be up at six, taking my coffee out to a small patch of vegetables, smiling as I bend down to pull up weeds. I want to drink lemonade or a glass of wine on the front porch swing of an evening, watching as the stars come out in the evening sky, but don't want to be sitting there all alone.

It's odd...

I have my dreams, know what it is that I want with the life I have left in this just all right now seems just out of my grasp, and in that reality is a great deal of frustration mixed with a dash of sadness as I sit here on a Sunday night pondering the what if's and could have been's of this life.

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